Just for Laughs

Just for Laughs: The Unenforceable Marriage Contract

This email from the UK found its way into my inbox.

This is not a joke.
Today I had a man come in for advice on a pre-nup. He had already written the clauses he wanted in the pre-nup. I thought I would share with you, I know you will enjoy:
1. Must attend TOEFL and get a 500 point score within the next 6 months
2. Must attend cooking school and massage school in the next 6 months
3. Must maintain a BMI of 45 Kilos, and if she goes above 48 Kilos, the marriage will be considered null and void.
4. Failure to do any of the above will result in termination of marriage.
5. Entitled to no money or assets from the husband, and upon divorce entitled to no spousal support or money
You really do get a whole range of pre-nup agreements over here. You should have seen the size of his eyes when I told him it wouldn’t be valid in the UK.

Literal Versions of Music Videos: A Parody

Here’s the latest viral trend on YouTube: literal versions of pop music videos.

The users take the original video and change the lyrics into a literal description of the scene.

Warning: Doing this may constitute copyright infringement if the materials are used without the copyright owner’s permission. I don’t recommend, endorse, or condone any kind of copyright infringement.

The quality of these parody videos varies; here are a couple of my favourites shared here for news summary purposes.

“Total Eclipse of the Heart” (2010 Webby Award Honoree & several notable mentions in print and online)

“Take on Me” (the “vid zero” that started all this; Magne from a-ha himself purportly praised  this video in a Rolling Stone interview.)

Judyism: Judge Judy at Her Very Best

via Youtube.com

The media clip above is used solely for news reporting purposes. PSWLaw disclaims copyright. All rights are reserved to its lawful owner.

Happy Groundhog Day 2010

Groundhog Day is celebrated on February 2 in the U.S. and Canada. According to folklore, if a groundhog emerging from its burrow on this day and sees its shadow, it will supposedly retreat to its burrow, and winter will continue for six more weeks.

This year’s results are unanimous:

The Ontario Wiarton Willie confirmed that there will be six more weeks of winter.

Wiarton Willie’s cousin in Nova Scotia Shubenacadie Sam, also saw his shadow this morning, while Punxsutawney Phil of Pennsylvania did the same.

Winter isn’t over yet, people.

Animation courtesy of Microsoft, used under license.

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(Actual) Dumb Legal Disclaimers and Product Warnings

Through my law practice, I’ve seen plenty of disclaimers – everything I touch comes with a disclaimer. (If it didn’t have one before, itwill after I’m done with them.) Here are a few actual disclaimers that I’ve come across through the years.

Toaster:

Not for underwater use

Christmas lights:

For indoor or outdoor use only

Pencils:

May be sharp after sharpened

Can of nuts:

May contain traces of nuts

Hairdryer:

Do not use while sleeping

Keep away from water

Sleeping pills:

May cause drowsiness

Iron:

May be hot during use

WARNING: Never iron cloths on the body

TV remote control:

Not dishwasher safe

Chainsaw:

Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.

Instant noodles:

Best used before expiration date

Will be hot after heating

Various household cleaners:

CAUTION: contains cleaning agents

Do not ingest

Avoid spraying in face or eyes

Seen funnier ones? Submit yours in the comments section.

Black Friday Special: What to Buy for…

Friday, November 27, 2009, is Black Friday, the unofficial day when the holiday shopping season starts.

To mark this occasion and to assist you with making your purchasing decisions, my good friend Grace and I have come up with a holiday gifting guide, which I’ll share with you below:

Mom

G: discount cardigan

P: Weight Loss for Busy Women

Assistant

G: Picture of myself

P: Framed picture of myself

Bookkeeper

G: Whit-Out

P: Red Bull

Ex-Spouse

G: Dandruff in a baggie

P: Gift basket received from last year

Receptionist

G: A promotion

P: A promotion to senior receptionist

Best Female Colleague:

G: Shaving lotion

P: Bubble bath kit

Best Male Colleague

G: Shaving lotion

P: Booze

Process Server

G: Mace

P: Mace

IT Person

G: Set of pliers

P: Fire extinguisher

Favourite Barista

G: Business card

P: Hand Sanitizer

Canada’s Official Languages Are English and French; What’s America’s?

As stated in our Constitution,* the official languages of Canada are English and French. That’s why you see bilingual signs in Canadian airports. Accordingly, all Canadian federal laws are written in both English and French versions.

Interestingly, the U.S. Constitution doesn’t have a provision regarding its official language. Although American laws are exclusively written in English, at least at the federal level, it’s interesting to know that the U.S. technically doesn’t have an official language.

Perhaps the photograph below explains why…

via Instaputz

*The Constitution Act, 1867 (U.K.), 30 & 31 Victoria, c. 3.

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Getting Fired Via Facebook

I’ve written a few blogs about the hazards of (mis)using the popular social networking site Facebook including ”Facebook Security Concerns,” (posted July 7, 20090, and “Facebook No-No’s for Divorcing Couples,” (posted on July 6, 2009).

Here’s the latest: getting fired via Facebook.

Grumpy worker:

OMG I HATE MY JOB!! My boss is a total pervy wanker always making me do shit stuff just to piss me off!! WANKER!

Boss:

Hi, I guess you forgot about adding me on here?

Firstly, don’t flatter yourself. Seconly, you’ve worked here 5 months and didn’t work out that I’m gay? I know I don’t prance around the office like a queen, but it’s not exactly a secret. Thirdly, that “shit stuff” is called your “job”, you know, what i pay you to do. But the fact that you seem to fuck-up the simplest of tasks might contribute to how you feel about it. And lastly, you also seem to have forgotten that you have 2 weeks left on your 6 month trial period. Don’t bother coming in tomorrow. I’ll pop your P45 in the post, and you can come in whenever you like to pick up any stuff you’ve left here. And yes, i’m serious.

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Free Legal Advice… Take a Number

Lately I received several inquiries regarding free legal advice.

Our policy regarding free legal advice is as follows:

To purchase your own grenade, click here or visit www.forcounsel.com.

Photograph used with permission. All rights reserved.

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Lowering the Bar… LOWER!

Today I stumbled upon this legal humor site “Lowering the Bar” (http://www.loweringthebar.net)

This site is written by a lawyer in San Francisco, Kevin Underhill. It is full bits of off-beat stories of the law, the legal profession, then some really interesting, witty stuff.

On the site, I came across this actual order of the Circuit Court of the Greene County, 4th Division, Missouri, that the author managed to find which I must now share with you:

[Note: the following material is being shared under the terms of license by Creative Commons 3.0 - United States. Click here to view the licensing policy]

WHEREAS, on the dates set out below, in the presence of Judge Thomas Mountjoy of the Court of Greene County, Missouri, attorney Carlos Dupree Romious, aka D. Carlos Romious, did do the following stupid things, among others:

On June 16, 2008, during the hearing of pre-trial motions in the jury trial of the above-styled case, Carlos Dupree Romious, aka D. Carlos Romious, did loudly and rudely assert that the court proceeding was a “joke” and a “travesty” . . . [and] did loudly and rudely accuse the Court of “corrupting and stinking up the case” . . . .

On June 17, 2008, during the hearing of pre-trial motions in the jury trial of the above-styled case, Carlos Dupree Romious, aka D. Carlos Romious, did loudly and rudely accuse the Court of “being anything other than impartial, justiciable [sic] and anything but competent” . . . [and took] a copy of a pleading served upon him in open court . . . , wadded it up and threw it on the floor some distance from counsel table and thereafter walked to it and used his shoe to grind it into the floor . . . [and] did indicate to Court his refusal to appear in court [when ordered, saying] “don’t hold your breath” . . . .

On June 18, 2008, during the hearing of pre-trial motions in the jury trial of the above-styled case, Carlos Dupree Romious, aka D. Carlos Romious, did loudly and rudely ask the Court, “are you a pedophile?”

All of which said behavior was willfully and intentionally committed, contemptuous, insolent and directly tended to interrupt the proceedings of the Court and the respect due to its authority . . . Carlos Dupree Romious, aka D. Carlos Romious, is guilty beyond a reasonable doubt of direct criminal contempt.

View the Actual Order HERE


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